Quantcast
Latest Stories

Love in time of social networking

By

It’s a new era for dating, where chocolates and roses have been replaced by “likes” and Instagram pictures, and your relationship status can change with a click of a button. AP PHOTO/PAUL SAKUMA

Kitty, a preschool teacher, thought she had found the love of her life when she met Bong.

“We dated regularly for a few months. He said we were exclusive so I changed my Facebook status to ‘In a relationship.’ His status stayed `Single’ and he refused to change it. We broke up. If he wasn’t going to be truthful about our relationship on Facebook, how can he be truthful about it in real life?” Kitty said.

Welcome to love and courtship in the time of social networking. It’s a new era for dating, where chocolates and roses have been replaced by “likes” and Instagram pictures, and your relationship status can change with a click of a button.

“That relationship status feature of Facebook is evil,” said Carmela, a writer. “I’ve seen angry friends change theirs to `It’s complicated’ every time they fight with their boyfriends. Then friends flood their pages with questions: `Why?’ `What happened?’ `What did he do?’ It’s so messy.”

Princess Dasky, a PR manager, agreed. “I’ve decided that I will never change my dating status in Facebook or anywhere online, except maybe if I’m changing it to `engaged’ or `married.”’

Dating tool

Social networking sites have become a necessary tool for this generation of daters, offering a venue for low-risk and convenient courtship.

Background checks are now easier too. Char, an account supervisor in a marketing communication company, said, “By adding him on Facebook, you see your common friends and you can text or call them right away.”

“It’s not stalking, it’s research,” said Bunny, an admin assistant.

Bernard, a copywriter, said, “Job companies you apply for do it—why not on someone you potentially will spend the rest of your life with?”

Denise, a housewife, met her husband online. Before they were married, he lived in the United State and she lived in the Philippines. So they used Facebook to stay connected. “We would post pictures so the other could see what we were up to,” she said. The two now live together in the United States.

It was also through Facebook that Melanie, a PR executive, reconnected with her childhood sweetheart after 10 years of not seeing each other.

Viber, other apps

They used to exchange handwritten letters when they were in high school. Now, they are back together and use Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to keep in touch, especially since they both travel a lot for work.

“Communication has been easier, checking up on each other can be done in an instant,” she said.

For people in long-distance relationships, sites like Facebook and Twitter and apps likes Viber, Whatsapp, Skype are heaven-sent.

Princess Dasky said: “I’m in a long-distance relationship now. Six to eight years ago, this might not have worked for me. But social networking sites are a great way to continue to get to know each other. It’s a great way to introduce him to my family and friends too.”

Neil, a senior art director, said social networking sites were a big help when he was living in Toronto and his girlfriend was in Vancouver.

“Social media is an excellent venue to know whether your partner is having a bad day at work, the food she is craving, and how she feels in general, depending on how much she shares on her page.” The two are now married. “I eventually moved to Vancouver and lived happily ever after,” Neil said.

Make or break

But not all stories end happily. Joseph, a human resources business partner, said, “Facebook can make or break relationships so use it responsibly.”

TriggerFinger, a photographer, felt the same way. “Social networking sites can both be a blessing and a bane. They can amplify issues from the past that should not be remembered.”

Jellybean, a case manager, said: “If one of you is a jealous person, these sites can make a relationship difficult. My husband and I don’t really use them to declare love for each other or have online fights. We think that some aspects of our relationship should stay private.”

Dangerous

Isabel, an ER nurse, said the convenience of social networks could be dangerous.

“You have a constant access to their daily lives and their interactions, whether you like it or not. In the thick of being in love, your insatiable urge to know about your partner will use this. You want to know what they’re doing, who they’re interacting with, what they’re thinking about. This can cause friction in relationships. Couples, my past relationships included, have had so many fights that were brought on by very petty things on the Internet,” Isabel said.

Other couples have decided to deal with this by staying away from each other’s social networks.

Isabel said: “The guy I’m dating is in a band. A lot of girls try to flirt with him on Facebook and he will always be tempted to flirt with them. We fought about it once. I’ve decided to unsubscribe from him. It’s the best decision I made online.”

Alta, a plus-sized model, said she and her boyfriend were no longer friends on Facebook. “Now we have less arguments. We just use iMessage and Viber.”

Cerise, a marketing consultant, believed that social networking sites also made it easier for partners to cheat. “Because these sites make hooking up easier, cheating is easier too.”

Catching infidelity

But the very same sites make catching infidelity easier too. Gorgeousgal said, “People have been using Facebook to find proof and to investigate, especially when you get that not-so-nice feeling that your partner might be playing or fooling around.”

In the event that relationships fall apart, social networking sites still play a role. In some cases, breakups even happen online.

“Once you change your relationship status, practically the whole world will know of it,” said Patrick, a writer.

“You will get flooded with messages and it’s harder to deal with the breakup while everyone is giving their two cents—even if you don’t want it,” said Bunny.

Hurt magnified

CS, a marketing manager, said, “You’ll be bombarded with information you don’t need to know. I think when you break up with someone and it’s a very painful one, a smart move would be to delist or unfriend because it helps in giving you a clean break.”

Xan, an educator and entrepreneur said, “All breakups are painful but I think social media amplifies things—even the hurt is magnified, if you say it on Facebook.”

“I’ve seen people break up on MySpace and Facebook and they just get mean and nasty with each other and each other’s friends. And yet, I have known friends who end relationships, and it stays out of these networks. I think it depends on the level of maturity of the people involved,” said Lilly, an academic researcher.

Resisting urge

Moving on can become more difficult, too, because Facebook and Twitter make it easy to see what people’s ex-boyfriends and girlfriends are up to. “I think the amount of times you spend checking your ex’s profile can tell you how far you’ve moved on.” said Janis Ian, an editor.

Some save themselves from the trouble by resisting the urge. Random Perignon, a graduate student, said, “I don’t stalk exes because I don’t want to commit emotional suicide.”

B, president of a tourism company, said: “I have blocked ex-boyfriends from finding me on any social media offering a ‘block’ option. Who wants that kind of drama?”

Old-fashioned romance

Although they are adept at hi-tech dating, a lot of people claim they miss old-fashioned romance—handwritten notes, flowers, chocolates, surprises, the whole shebang.

“I must agree, that the occasional post-it note and random presents are worth more pogi points than any wall post,” Neil said.

Cerise said she missed talking on the phone for hours. “It’s still better than chatting!”

CS said: “I miss the uncertainty of old-fashioned romance! Mas kilig kapag wala kang clue eh. It was more challenging. There was obviously more effort, and you tend to take care of it better because there is more at stake.”

Isabel said she also missed the mystery and the chance encounters.

Random Perignon added: “I think social networking has taken the thrill out of getting to know someone. There’s still nothing like finding out things for yourself rather than reading it in the person’s page.”

“I guess that’s why we’re all suckers for cheesy movies. It’s those small things that we miss, now that we prefer convenience over effort,” said Bunny.

Finding balance

The key is balance—finding a way to use social networks to keep love alive both online and offline. Jonha, a community manager, says, “Tagging someone you love on a Facebook status isn’t as powerful or as sweet as actually spending time with them in person.”

Neil said, “I’m the type of guy who would send flowers to her office in the same way I would randomly tweet about how much I love her just so people could tease her the whole day.”

Ruth, a writer, said: “I still get flowers and chocolates on important dates. I get to brag about it on Facebook minutes after receiving it. That, to me, is awesome.”


Follow us on Facebook Follow on Twitter Follow on Twitter




Recent Stories:

John Paul relics abound: Bloodied shirt, unwashed fork… 7 mins elapsed Senator hopes PH will also get same vow 46 mins elapsed Nielsen sees car buying boom in the Philippines 55 mins elapsed HK victims to get P115M; traders raised money 1 hour elapsed Smooth Edsa ride up in 2 years, but… 2 hours elapsed Marinduque: Visiting the ‘palm of the ocean’ 2 hours elapsed How author of best-seller exposed ‘one percent’ economic elite 2 hours elapsed First at Vatican in 60 years 2 hours elapsed
Complete stories on our Digital Edition newsstand for tablets, netbooks and mobile phones; 14-issue free trial. About to step out? Get breaking alerts on your mobile.phone. Text ON INQ BREAKING to 4467, for Globe, Smart and Sun subscribers in the Philippines.

Tags: Facebook , infotech , Lifestyle , love and relationship , Social Media , social networking

  • w33k3nd3r

    Gone are the days of long and essential conversation over the phone to get to know the person better. With more options at one’s disposal, our focus will be dispersed drastically. It’s a challenge, really, I believe.



Copyright © 2014,
.
To subscribe to the Philippine Daily Inquirer newspaper in the Philippines, call +63 2 896-6000 for Metro Manila and Metro Cebu or email your subscription request here.
Factual errors? Contact the Philippine Daily Inquirer's day desk. Believe this article violates journalistic ethics? Contact the Inquirer's Reader's Advocate. Or write The Readers' Advocate:
c/o Philippine Daily Inquirer Chino Roces Avenue corner Yague and Mascardo Streets, Makati City, Metro Manila, Philippines Or fax nos. +63 2 8974793 to 94
Advertisement Advertisement
  1. Mark Caguioa lambasts Ginebra teammates on Twitter
  2. ‘Unlimited’ Internet promos not really limitless; lawmakers call for probe
  3. No truth to viral no-visa ‘chronicles’
  4. Nokia to be named Microsoft Mobile
  5. Senator wants to probe PH slow Internet connection
  6. Bam Aquino becomes Master Splinter’s son after Wiki hack
  7. Viber releases new design for iPhone, comes to Blackberry 10 for the first time
  8. New York police Twitter campaign backfires badly
  9. PH has slowest internet in Southeast Asia
  10. Did Deniece Cornejo lambast Vhong Navarro on social media?
  1. Mark Caguioa lambasts Ginebra teammates on Twitter
  2. PH has slowest internet in Southeast Asia
  3. Senator wants to probe PH slow Internet connection
  4. Enrile in Masters of the Universe, Lord of the Rings?
  5. Nokia to be named Microsoft Mobile
  6. Did Deniece Cornejo lambast Vhong Navarro on social media?
  7. Netizens seethe over Aquino’s ‘sacrifice’ message
  8. ‘Unlimited’ Internet promos not really limitless; lawmakers call for probe
  9. Facebook rolls out ‘nearby friends’ feature
  10. Nasa’s moon-orbiting robot crashes down
  1. #RejectedBbPilipinas2014Questions flood Twitter
  2. Did Deniece Cornejo lambast Vhong Navarro on social media?
  3. Netizens fall in love with Crimea prosecutor Natalia Poklonskaya
  4. Mommy Dionisia Pacquiao scores, takes over social media
  5. Nude and so dangerous
  6. Mark Caguioa lambasts Ginebra teammates on Twitter
  7. Mommy Dionisia sings ‘Riking Bull,’sends netizens ablaze
  8. PH has slowest internet in Southeast Asia
  9. Russia tries to curb Crimean prosecutor’s Internet fame
  10. Memes flourish after Pacquiao victory

News

  • John Paul relics abound: Bloodied shirt, unwashed fork…
  • Name names, Lacson told
  • Smooth Edsa ride up in 2 years, but…
  • Obama: US will defend Japan vs China
  • Santiago accuses Lacson of fronting for Enrile, Gigi Reyes
  • Sports

  • Sharapova advances to Stuttgart quarterfinals
  • Galedo caps ride of redemption
  • Beermen, Express dispute second semis slot today
  • Lady Agilas upset Lady Bulldogs in four sets
  • NLEX roars to 7th D-League win
  • Lifestyle

  • Marinduque: Visiting the ‘palm of the ocean’
  • First at Vatican in 60 years
  • How Jing Monis Salon gave Krissy the pixie
  • Want to be a supermodel? Work on your inner beauty, says Joey Espino
  • Denims that keep you cool–literally
  • Entertainment

  • Kristoffer Martin: from thug to gay teen
  • Has Ai Ai fallen deeply with ‘sireno?’
  • California court won’t review Jackson doctor case
  • Cris Villonco on play adapted from different medium
  • OMB exec’s assurance: We work 24/7
  • Business

  • Nielsen sees car buying boom in the Philippines
  • How author of best-seller exposed ‘one percent’ economic elite
  • Bangko Sentral readies new bank lending rules
  • Gaming stocks gain, PSEi eases on profit-taking
  • Cebu Pacific flew 3.74M passengers as of March
  • Technology

  • Vatican announces hashtag for April 27 canonizations
  • Enrile in Masters of the Universe, Lord of the Rings?
  • Top Traits of Digital Marketers
  • No truth to viral no-visa ‘chronicles’
  • ‘Unlimited’ Internet promos not really limitless; lawmakers call for probe
  • Opinion

  • Editorial Cartoon, April 25, 2014
  • No deal, Janet
  • Like making Al Capone a witness vs his gang
  • MERS-CoV and mothers
  • A graduation story
  • Global Nation

  • Senator hopes PH will also get same vow
  • HK victims to get P115M; traders raised money
  • Afghan hospital guard kills 3 US doctors, including Fil-Am pediatrician
  • Career diplomat is new PH consul general in Los Angeles
  • US4GG: Aquino should ask Obama for TPS approval, drone technology
  • Advertisement
    Marketplace